Best Care Anywhere!

You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis.

~Author Unknown

One of the more meaningful missions we carry out is Aeromedical Evacuation. As a cargo plane, we are uniquely suited to carry medical patients, and as a tactical airlifter, we can get into places that jets just can't go. We routinely practice landing on dirt runways and short airfields, all in preparation for combat delivery of troops and supplies, and the extraction of casualties under hostile conditions.

Having the mode of transportation is only half the solution. The other half is having the trained medical staff who are able to monitor and treat patients as we rush them from the craziness of the combat zone to established medical treatment facilities. Flying patients with a variety of wounds or illnesses across the country, or to another part of the world means dealing with a whole host of issues that ambulance travel never encounters. For one, you can't get out. It's noisy, the cabin altitude is generally higher than on the ground, and there are some illness or wounds that require special treatment when oxygen sufficiency is an issue.

The Air Force has teams of trained medical technicians and nurses who fly with patients during transport, monitoring their conditions, and ready to administer emergency treatment should the need arise. My unit has a squadron of medical personnel who have been as busy and tasked as anyone since 9/11, supporting the Global War on Terrorism.

About once a month we take a group out on a cross-country weekend, providing them an airplane and the actual flying experience with which to practice their craft. This particular weekend we were scheduled for a trip that would take us to Charleston, SC, spend the night, then fly down to St. Croix, in the Virgin Islands, then back home to Pittsburgh. All told, about 12 hours of flying in three days. Unfortunately, about two days from departure, a hurricane popped up heading for St. Croix, so that leg of the trip had to be drastically changed. Instead, our mystical planners came up with us leaving late Friday afternoon, flying to Houston, spending the night, flying the next day to Charleston, then back home. Not nearly the flying time we originally had planned, but some decent last-minute destinations where we could at least expect a good meal or two.

So Friday was a late afternoon take-off and a four hour flight to Houston. With the hurricane in the Gulf of Mexico, the low pressure system left us with a nice headwind all the way, turning a 3-3/4 hour trip into almost 4-1/2. The toughest part of the trip is always getting from the airplane to the hotel, and with a flight crew and aeromedical team, the task is all the more complicated. We had good arrangements though, and the Air National Guard unit we parked at had two vans ready and waiting for us, allowing a fairly speedy and expeditious trip to the hotel.

Once at the hotel, we checked in and met briefly to discuss plans for the evening and the next morning. Typically aircrew and medical crew go their separate ways. It's just the nature of the beast. Nurses are busy people and they typically breeze up to the squadron about the time they need to board the plane, and once airborne, they are pretty busy with their training. We really don't get much interaction unless we go out on a weekend trip. Even then the two groups tend to stick with who they know. Friday night was no exception. A bunch of the aircrew decided to head to a Cowboy bar called "Big Texas," and the med techs all went their own way. I personally was beat, and since it was already almost 11 pm back home, my body clock begged me to call it a night, which I did.

Apparently "Big Texas" was a great bar and one to make a note to visit on the next trip. The guys talked non-stop about their adventures at the bar most of the flight to Charleston Saturday. The weather was a bit better and with a tail wind all the way, we made it to South Carolina in about 3 hours. We were not so lucky with transportation this day, as we were treated to a bus ride by the base transportation folks, but the driver had no idea where the hotel was. After driving round and round for over an hour, he finally figured it out and dropped us off in front of a Hampton Inn just outside the base. Ominously, his last words upon our debarkation was, "Who did you piss off? I've been here for four years and never brought anyone to this hotel." Great!

Actually the hotel was fine, so besides the hidden location, we were still doing okay. Since we were in South Carolina, we decided to go for sea food, and headed off to a restaurant called, "the Noisy Oyster." Nice place, but the blackened Tuna I had was more sushi than steak, so I was pretty disappointed with the meal. Everyone else enjoyed theirs though, so what do I know about sea food?

Interestingly enough, over the course of the meal just about everyone on the plane ended up finding their way to the same restaurant. I guess the desk clerk did a good job selling the place. I hope he got a commission...

The highlight of the trip was the cab ride back to the hotel. As soon as we pulled away from the curb, the taxi driver, a gentleman of eastern-carribean african descent started ranting about Barack Obama, the Catholic Church, and that he-devil, John McCain. By the time we got up to full speed, this guy was screaming at us, declaring he was an ordained street minister, a volunteer policeman, and could speak in tongues, which he happily demonstrated for us. The four of us sat in shock for the first 15 minutes or so, but eventually got tired of all the yelling and started talking back to this guy, challenging his assertions, though mostly without success. (Did you know that the Catholic Church uses strippers in its services? Me neither! I'm definitely going to talk to my priest about it and find out which Mass has the good stuff!) I have never been so glad for the end of a car ride in my entire life.

Sunday had more great weather, and it was an easy 2 hour trip back home. The medical crew ran one last training exercise in the back, with some of their members getting an evaluation. One med tech, an extra for Sunday's mission, came up and sat on the deck with us, taking pictures and relaxing.

All in all, it was a good weekend trip. The plane stayed healthy, the weather was fairly decent everywhere we went, the hotels were nice, the med techs got their training, and the crew worked well together. Wish they all went so smoothly.