Cigars and Coronas

Interesting night tonight. You just never know what fate will toss in your path when you least expect it. Kind of neat that way, isn't it?

I got off work and wandered over to the BRA, the rec area people hang out in when not working. It's a big tent people sit under during the day. At night, they grab the table and chairs and move out from under the lights and set up in the pea gravel under the stars and sit and drink and unwind from the day's labors. I was hoping to meet up with some of the guys from work, but due to various circumstances, I got there late and ended up grabbing a table on my own, sipping a Corona, and listening to my iPod.

I noticed a Marine, still in uniform, sit down at an empty table nearby, light up a cigar and kick back. After a while he got up, approached me and asked if he could join me, saying he hated sitting by himself. Naturally I welcomed him. Chief Warrant Officer Gary Moore is on his way home from somewhere in Afghanistan on emergency leave. His wife's father has been in a hospice for the last year, and they've given him about a week to live, so Gary is flying back to the states to be with his family as they go through this trying time. He is going to get 10 days at home with his wife and children, and most likely will spend most of it at vigils, vistitations and a funeral.

We spent about two hours together talking about the military, family, jobs… he offered me a cigar and I accepted, though I am NOT a cigar guy. It was his "I'm safe" cigar… something he's been saving since his wife sent them to him. It was vanilla flavored and actually quite smooth and enjoyable… We talked about our kids.. His are 9 and 10, mine much older at 20, 18 and 14. I assured him he was really going to enjoy them as they grew older… 13 and 14 was gonna be hard, but after that it would really be fun.

Gary's on the 4th month of his 5th combat tour in Iraq and Afghanistan. Amazing. I asked how long he gets back home, and he said it has been averaging six months, then back over here for up to a year at a time. Then he asked me a question out of the blue: He asked me if I had the chance to make 5 times what I'm making now, on the outside, but I only had six years to go till a military retirement, what would I do?

That is such a hard question…. Our country needs men like this to go in harms way and protect our way of life from the threats that lurk in the twighlight where most people are afraid to look, and don't really want to think about. On the other hand, how much can we ask of these people? Five combat tours with no end in sight, and not much hope of a respite. I got the sense that he is seriously afraid his marriage will end if things continue as they are, and I can tell he's torn about it. He loves the military and what he does, but he questions the price it requires. I think that is a question we all face sooner or later in this line of work. How much is enough? When does the job and the benefits equal what you have invested in a marriage and family? How many significant events in your kids lives can you miss and still be part of them? What amount of load can you shed onto your spouse before it is too much to take back? How long can you be gone before you become an afterthought?

In the end, we parted ways with a handshake and directions to chow and the phone banks so he could call home and let them know he's on his way. I sat for awhile afterwards thinking about our time together, appreciating some of the choices I've made (NOT being career Army or Marines!) and pondering others… wondering if I have done enough, for surely there are so many that do so much more.